This is the ode to KingCoachDaddyPops and the requisite father’s day online declaration that MY DAD is the best. Much better than yours. For example, his number one rule, whether it be when we
were playing outside, rough housing, being dumb, etc. was “no one
dies unless I kill you”. As we grew up, our bed stories shifted from magical ones he made up on the spot, to real ones about his adventures around the world while playing team handball. He taught us to be “strong not tough” because tough breaks but strong bends. Being from
Wisconsin, he considers ice cream and cheese to be their own food groups, something which I have taken to heart as well. The most common comment I get from friends after they meet him is "now we know why you are the way you are".
And now I will bless all of you with some lessons from my father, told by photos:
Matching bucket hats are the best way to tell other teams you mean business. USA USA USA
If you're tone deaf and going to sing at a bar, make sure your group looks the part and has the moves. (he's rocking the red shoes)
 Serious photos are overrated. Props are underrated. |
 Embrace selfies.  Make sure you're always in proper eating attire. A silver bowler hat adds pizzazz and is a wardrobe essential.  When taking an awkward solo shot, always strike a power pose to make it slightly less awkward . . . or. . . |
. . . WERK a pair of short shorts.
When posing with your baby, try to match your outfits and facial expressions as close as possible.
There's nowhere better than the beach . .
. . except maybe a hot tub when it's snowing.
Animals are awesome. Animal planet is educational television and there's no such thing as watching too much of it.
He always used to scold me about having my hands on my hips while playing soccer because I "didn't look ready." And then he saw his old pictures. BOOM, roasted.
Trends may come and go, but knowing you look damn good is forever.
Sunscreen. Sunscreen is your friend.
Have no shame when enjoying delicious food.
Good friends always know exactly what you need. And a true bromance never ends.
The two handed belly rub needs to be in everyones repertoire.
A security system is unnecessary if you stand outside your house looking like this for long enough.
ANYWHERE is good place to sleep.
Even if you're 'old but deadly', don't ashamed to ask for help when you need it.
The keys to looking cool at any gathering: wear your glasses, drink a beer and sit on the back of a couch. Bonus points if you look pensive all night.
Never forget where you're from and make sure to pass it on to your kids.
Berets are the most versatile hat. Suitable for both indoor and outdoor use.
Dance like no one's watching. But know if they are they'll be blown away by your moves.
When comparing height, tip toes are your biggest ally.
A true look of judgement requires the use of all facial muscles.
Tequila needs no chaser.
If you believe you can fly, you can.
As I sit here making this, my lovely father is bitching about not making our father's day celebration a "big deal" because he "doesn't need it". This is the fifth time he's said it. Please excuse me while I go beat the dramatic whiny lil' wimp out of him. Don't worry, there's still a couple of years before it's considered elder abuse.
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